So there is never an easy way to approach the subject of anal play – for men or women. During all of my demonstrations, everything goes great and everyone laughs and has a great time until I get to the subject of anal play. Then I either get silence, or the inevitable lady who yells, “Girl, that is EXIT ONLY!” I truly believe that people have this idea that it’s taboo. It’s what porn movies are made of. It’s sinful. It’s for gay men only. Well, regardless of that myth, according to 2007 statistics of married couples, over 1/3 have had or tried anal play.I think of it as like your mom used to say with eating your vegetables, “How can you say you don’t like it if you’ve never tried it?”
During my demo, I make a point to my ladies that if they have never tried it, and their mate nags them to do it, I tell them, “You go tell him if he wants YOU to try it, then he should be willing to try it too.” Men, having anal play done to you doesn’t make you gay, homosexual or a fruit. So I say, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Right ladies?
Several important factors to keep in mind during play is 1) Lubrication 2) Communication 3) Relaxation. But before we commence to the actual act of, one VERY important thing to consider is the type of toy you want to use.
Many novice players start with a pinky finger (well lubed, and short trimmed nails please!) because it is a much smaller instrument than most anal toys. If you are choosing a toy, please follow these rules. The sphincter muscle around the anus serves two purposes – to keep waste in (when we need to go but can’t find a bathroom), and to let waste out (when we finally have the seat to go on!) With that said, anything that is inserted into the anal cavity will be “sucked in” automatically, so whatever toy you choose, should have a flared base. Think of it this way – make a tight “ok” symbol with your fingers. If you can stick the toy in and the base stops it, you are good to go. If you can continue to push the toy in (think a straight vibrator), then that’s a toy to avoid. Some toys come with rings on them so you can keep a loop attached to your finger to avoid loss. That is ok to use as well. Now back to the THREE RULES.
1) Lubrication – the anal cavity does not produce its own lubrication, therefore, you need to use one. The best kind to use are silicone-based lubricants. From the Pure Romance line I suggest Pure Pleasure. It is very slippery and viscous, so it will help things slide much easier than a water-based lubricant. You can apply some of the lubricant to the toy as well as the anus to provide a better contact, without all the friction.
2) Communication – Men, if you are partaking in the action and your lady is the receiver, you can’t just ramming things in there. And ladies, same goes for you with your man. Take your time. You must communicate with each other. If it hurts a little, tell him/her to slow down and let you get used to the feeling. ladies, if you are using beads on your man, the way for them to truly enjoy the feeling is at the height of his orgasm. By placing beads inside the anus, it puts pressure on their prostate, which is the equivalent to the female G-spot (and we all know how much we love that!) So at the height of orgasm, men, you need to let your gal know you are about to ejaculate, about to blow, or made it the code word “Yeehaw!” and at that very moment, you slowly but firmly pull the beads out one by one during his orgasm. I have been told by several ladies that purchased beads that their men LOVE to have them used on him, and it’s the best sex they’ve ever encountered.
3) Relaxation – This is a MUST. Start SLOW. To both men and women – you can’t just pump in and out. The back door is not meant for that. Go slow and steady in and then hold it there for a few moments. Then SLOWLY pull out. If it is too painful for in and out, some people like having the object there, and just wiggled a little bit. For beginners I suggest using a tapered toy that starts small and progresses in size as its inserted. Pure Romance’s Joy Stick or Ridin’ Dirty is perfect for this. Both have a flared base, and graduated, tapered size. If this is the first time partaking in anal play, there’s no doubt that you will be anxious, and from all the horror stories your friends have probably filled your mind with you’re probably afraid of pain. Take some slow deep breaths, and try to visualize your sphincter muscle opening up and relaxing. You can even try to bare down a bit to try to allow your muscle to open up. But with plenty of lubricant, you shouldn’t have too much of a problem.
One other product that I suggest for novice beginners is our Booty Eaze. It is not a lubricant, it’s a numbing gel for the anal muscles. You don’t insert the B.E. into the rectum, just around the very outer edge, to help ease the discomfort that may be encountered. Allow the B.E. to work for several minutes while you continue other forms of play to get relaxed.
One VERY IMPORTANT FACTOR to keep in mind – never ever cross-contiminate. Whatever goes in your vajajay, NEVER goes into the rectum and back. There are multitudes of bacteria in each region and they should never be mixed. Whatever toys you use for anal should stay for anal only, and those for our vaginas should stay vajajay bound! The only exception to this rule is if you use condoms on your toys, but use a seperate condom for each insertion.
So for today’s lesson, I offer up this special sale-
1 tube of Booty Eaze (reg. $9.50), 1 Joy Stick (reg. $19.50) and 1 Pure Pleasure (reg. $13.00) all for $35.00 (plus taxes & S&H)!
Email me your order request (DeborahLParker@pureromance.com), good through 8/31 while supplies last! Promo not valid on my website, but feel free to visit to see the products! http://www.debparker.pureromance.com
~Deb
Pure Romance By Deb 